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lightpointI may 'orphan' something I just posted. Because it is fucking with my head and I don't want to look at it anymore. I was only half kidding about the bleach shower.
So why in the everliving FUCK did I write that?
Why? The only thing I can really think of is my difficulty in dealing with/conceptualizing the why of something like that in the first place.
1. I'm not a sociopath. Unfortunately, I know some. The #1 thing to remember when dealing with them is to know that everything is on the table, because from what I can see the only thing driving is I want. And if you happen to fall into the 'want' category, for whatever reason, God help you.
2. I can't 'go there' without descending into complete and utter horror. Writing a POV like that is kind of like picking at a cut so I can squeeze the pus out. Or like scraping out my guts with a brillo pad.
3. Considering that I've got bipolar II, (100% diagnosed, with a side dish of medium-grade GAD) writing this was probably not the best idea ever. My hypomania tends to skeeter right into the abyss. The idea of HM being all happy-fun-times and made of SQUEEEE is not always true. My paintings and drawings are bad enough. Words can be worse.
4. So. How? Write what you know? Turn your demons into art? FML I DON'T KNOW.
5. My favorite works so far are 'You, Me, Ice Cream and a Bicycle' and 'Sticks and Stones.' Meaning 'channeling Nicholas Sparks' and 'Gen fic starring some genuinely good people.' I like the bright spots in my work. There needs to be hope in the good ones. Also, the 'Rule of Two' series, meaning 'Neutral Evil meets Chaotic Good, who turns pure Neutral by the end of the story.' That one exists because I like exploring Rey's background - seriously, we start to see a little piece of her in the movies, but IMHO we're prob going to see another side of her in Episode VIII.
6. ...Ok, I feel a little better now. I still feel like shit, but it's less shitty shit than 30 minutes ago. I need to work on the self-care.
So why in the everliving FUCK did I write that?
Why? The only thing I can really think of is my difficulty in dealing with/conceptualizing the why of something like that in the first place.
1. I'm not a sociopath. Unfortunately, I know some. The #1 thing to remember when dealing with them is to know that everything is on the table, because from what I can see the only thing driving is I want. And if you happen to fall into the 'want' category, for whatever reason, God help you.
2. I can't 'go there' without descending into complete and utter horror. Writing a POV like that is kind of like picking at a cut so I can squeeze the pus out. Or like scraping out my guts with a brillo pad.
3. Considering that I've got bipolar II, (100% diagnosed, with a side dish of medium-grade GAD) writing this was probably not the best idea ever. My hypomania tends to skeeter right into the abyss. The idea of HM being all happy-fun-times and made of SQUEEEE is not always true. My paintings and drawings are bad enough. Words can be worse.
4. So. How? Write what you know? Turn your demons into art? FML I DON'T KNOW.
5. My favorite works so far are 'You, Me, Ice Cream and a Bicycle' and 'Sticks and Stones.' Meaning 'channeling Nicholas Sparks' and 'Gen fic starring some genuinely good people.' I like the bright spots in my work. There needs to be hope in the good ones. Also, the 'Rule of Two' series, meaning 'Neutral Evil meets Chaotic Good, who turns pure Neutral by the end of the story.' That one exists because I like exploring Rey's background - seriously, we start to see a little piece of her in the movies, but IMHO we're prob going to see another side of her in Episode VIII.
6. ...Ok, I feel a little better now. I still feel like shit, but it's less shitty shit than 30 minutes ago. I need to work on the self-care.
